How to Effectively Handle Drama

How to Handle Drama

Every­one faces con­flict and needs to learn how to han­dle dra­ma. Our spir­i­tu­al growth as Mys­tics requires this.

No mat­ter how kind and gen­er­ous we try to be, we must face the fact that life brings us peo­ple, places, and things that per­plex us with pain, frus­tra­tion, and aggra­va­tion. None escape these chal­lenges. Today, we offer some tech­niques to help you han­dle the dra­ma in your life.

Realize the Perfectly Imperfect

In our last post, we spoke about the wis­dom of the per­fect­ly imper­fect. We note that the per­fec­tion of this three-dimen­sion­al expe­ri­ence lies in its imper­fect per­fect­ness. This plan­et is inten­tion­al­ly designed to train and tough­en us up for the chal­lenges ahead in our future lives. To under­stand that we live in a boot camp world allows us, maybe for the first time, to peek at the per­fec­tion of a high­er order lurk­ing behind the scenes. This real­iza­tion allows us to turn from our frus­tra­tions and instead seek knowl­edge, wis­dom, and under­stand­ing.

Handle Drama: Avoidance and Attack

There are two default posi­tions for fac­ing con­flict – avoid­ance and attack.  Some peo­ple run away while oth­ers become war­riors.  We learn these approach­es ear­ly in child­hood.  Sad­ly, nei­ther are very help­ful. One is root­ed in denial of prob­lems; the oth­er is root­ed in vio­lence. Mys­tics seek a mid­dle ground that allows them to face con­flict square­ly with­out resort to attack­ing. When dis­agree­ments come, we must meet what­ev­er issues are before us with gen­tle­ness and respect.

Handle Drama: Avoid Default Roles

A sec­ond thing to be mind­ful of are the three default roles most peo­ple assume in con­flict. These include the pros­e­cu­tor, vic­tim, and enabler. Pros­e­cu­tors attack, blame, and judge oth­ers for the prob­lems in their lives. They seek jus­tice through revenge, sham­ing, and blam­ing oth­ers when they are angry. Vic­tims are peo­ple who blame oth­ers for their prob­lems. They rarely their part in a con­flict. Vic­tims believe their lives would be bet­ter if oth­ers would only stop or start doing some­thing! Many peo­ple live with a vic­tim men­tal­i­ty. The enabler, or res­cuer, describes those indi­vid­u­als who seem to always inter­ject them­selves into the prob­lems of oth­ers. It is though they feel that oth­ers are inca­pable of resolv­ing their con­flicts unless they inter­vene. These peo­ple often give unasked advice and butt in to mat­ters that are not of their con­cern. Avoid these three traps.  Read more about this in our arti­cle, Spir­i­tu­al­i­ty and The Empow­er­ment Dynam­ic.

Handle Drama: Own Your Part

When con­flict comes, it’s a rare per­son who owns their con­tri­bu­tion to the trou­ble before them. Each par­ty usu­al­ly resorts to blam­ing the oth­er. The truth is, if you are only five per­cent at fault in some con­flict, you are one-hun­dred per­cent respon­si­ble for your five per­cent! Some­times, a non­ver­bal eye-roll or facial reac­tion is the one per­cent spark that caus­es a prob­lem to explode. Most peo­ple great­ly under­es­ti­mate their part in a con­flict.

As mys­tics, we must keep our part of the street clean and own our con­tri­bu­tions to each con­flict. Once we have iden­ti­fied our part, we must do what we can to make things right. In inter­per­son­al dis­putes, every­body, whether admit­ted or not, con­tributes to the prob­lem. Every­one is respon­si­ble for mak­ing things right.

Handle Drama: Offense is a Choice

Dra­ma hap­pens the moment one or more peo­ple take offense to some­thing. Take no offence and there will be no dra­ma. In con­flict, we see some­thing we don’t like. In a split sec­ond, we have a choice whether or not we will take offense. It’s that sim­ple. Con­flict can hap­pen so quick­ly that we some­times for­get that we have choic­es in the mat­ter. No mat­ter your jus­ti­fi­ca­tion, the deci­sion to take offense is always a choice. This is true even when it is clear that an angry per­son is inten­tion­al­ly try­ing to make you mad as well. Our point is not that it is wrong to become angry, it’s that we choose whether or not to take offense.

Handle Drama: Do Not Escalate

When peo­ple become angry, they often up the inten­si­ty of their emo­tions by yelling, scream­ing, push­ing, shout­ing, curs­ing, threat­en­ing, hit­ting, and the like. These are esca­lat­ing behav­iors. Keep­ing one’s voice steady, turn­ing away, speak­ing soft­ly, putting one’s hands behind their back are deesca­lat­ing behav­iors. We reduce dra­ma as we inten­tion­al­ly reduce the inten­si­ty of our respons­es.

Handle Drama: Create Space

Wounds need time to heal. Emo­tion­al scars need the space of time to recov­er as well. Some­times, the best way to show love is to stop with all the wound­ing and hurt­ing. Per­haps you may need to walk away, live by your­self, stop speak­ing to oth­er peo­ple, and the like. When rela­tion­ships become tox­ic, no one should be required to receive con­tin­ued abuse. It is pos­si­ble to love some­one dear­ly while refus­ing to par­tic­i­pate in a poi­so­nous rela­tion­ship.

Handle Drama: Keep Disputes Private

When dra­ma comes, refuse the temp­ta­tion to talk with oth­ers about the details. When you are angry, speak with the one you are angry with – not every­one else! Keep dis­putes between your­selves by avoid­ing tri­an­gu­la­tion as well. Let’s say that I’m upset with you. Tri­an­gu­la­tion occurs if include your best friend in my con­ver­sa­tions about you.  Instead, I should speak direct­ly with you.

Handle Drama: Learn to Overlook

The three-day rule is a good way to live. It works like this. When some­thing hap­pens that has emo­tion­al charge to it, see if you can avoid doing any­thing about it for three days.  If, at the end of three days, you are still both­ered, go and speak with the per­son about your con­cerns. Often, we feel dif­fer­ent­ly about a con­flict only a few short hours lat­er. If we give our­selves a lit­tle time, we may learn new things that change our feel­ings.

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